Wednesday, 6 March 2013

Another year...

It's hard, this living thing.

Day after day, I'm forced to witness more stupidity, more inertia and more lack of compassion.

You were all probably told, do unto others as you wish to be to done unto you, right?

Well why the hell didn't anybody tell this to those who work in the Public Sector.

My life is seemingly torn down the middle.  On the one side, amazing people with dreams, hopes and aspirations.  Not of wealth or careers but wanting to make fundamental seizmic changes to society.

And on the other corporate drones, Public Sector bureaucrats, little minded commissioners and process driven funders/

The funniest thing is, people who would have read my tweets over the past month, would think I'm living the life of a king. Trips to Amsterdam, Theatre, Cinema, Restaurant, Galleries etc. Work with some inspirational people, all of it.

But the reality is, I now have absolutely nowhere to live, no money (I was reliant on state benefits but they've screwed up) and am now struggling to continue to live in the City I so love.

The people around me are doing their best to support me, but it feels unfair and unreasonable to impose.  Hence the living in the car, but with that option removed, what do you do?

Everyday, I try to figure something to keep going, Vigilia has been in development for 3 years and I genuinely think it's our breakthrough project.  But as with everything we need a break and that doesn't seem to be on the horizon.

Having had the phone stolen, I've discovered how few real friends I really had. It's hard dealing with that one. Suddenly coming to terms with people you sacrificed everything for in the past having made no efforts to check I'm even alive (Lisa Evans (first love), Tamara Thomas (friend in constant need of support) & Alex Laurie (mother of my son)).

I'd gone to Amsterdam/Edam because friends had a house there, I could cook, accommodate my son there for half-term and it would only cost about £300 all in for nearly 2 weeks.

The irony, my son decided he didn't want to join.  I suspect this had more to do with his mother than himself. But it was his choice.  He's 13 nearly 14 and I believe he's got to learn to fight for the things he wants.

He has a lovely nature and doesn't want to upset his mother. Cannot criticise that. But his Mother's influence means I'm getting to see less and less of him. Though I did ensure I wrote to him everyday whilst I was out there.

So I ended up in a beautiful house which just reaffirmed all the things I already knew.  Environment is critical to me.  Suddenly I'm able to control my health (though still ended up having 5 CFS crash days out of the 11 I was out there), eat healthily (there were no junk shops of any kind in Edam, a Greengrocers, Butchers, Deli & Bakery) and exercise, first walking, then cycling.

I took the time to reflect on what I was going to do.  It allowed me the space from having to chase morons to do their jobs (Police, DWP, O2, Apple etc.).  And I had a dawning realisation that I cannot survive in a country that is obsessed with stupidity.  17 years of a Labour Government has created droves of idiots, who don't challenge, cannot think and adhere to rules for comfort.

I've found some amazing people in a group of early 20 somethings.  But nearly without exception they're all talking about leaving the UK to achieve their goals.

I think we're going to see a brain drain in this Country unparrallelled